The vital role that connection plays on the journey of recovery
Human Connection
One of the most obvious correlations with connection is that with other humans. In this instance, it is not the connection you make with others who are going through what you are going through that is important; it is the connection you make with others who have already gone through what you are experiencing. This is an important distinction because people maneuvering the beginning stages of sobriety may not have the most beneficial tools in their toolbox to help guide you over and around the obstacles found along your sober path.
This may sound counter-intuitive because of the imposed information regarding the meetings people go to in order to stay the course... but bear with me.
If you are newly walking your sober path and feel strong but maybe not fully equipped, the last thing you need is to witness the falling of someone who took too many steps too fast and got tripped up. While empathy is obviously beneficial, along with the want to support anyone who is attempting life free from addiction, if you are not yet there yourself, you may not be ready to aid in someone's journey. And vice versa.
I was lucky because my wife and I embarked on the same journey while making the same choice; armed with mutual knowledge that allowed us to walk with a shared attitude through our journey. In essence, we had a built-in connection that helped facilitate our sobriety. Other's may not have that built-in connection, but I can attest to how powerful it can be.
"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection." -Johan Hari, in his Ted Talk
Some of the traditional programs honor the sponsorship aspect, which generally consists of a person who has been through their journey and has come out on the other side. This person is meant to help guide you along your path of sobriety. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, we are not all the same and not all programs are written for all people. If a traditional program is not for you, that is okay and even encouraged.
We each have to find programs that support individual beliefs, backgrounds, and truths. Nevertheless, I believe the human connection piece is a universal requirement on the path toward easy sobriety.
Tactics for Connection
There are a couple of options when thinking about who we can surround ourselves with that may have the tools necessary to help us in our recovery. The most obvious is to find someone who is sober and who has been confidently walking their sober path for quite some time. You will be surprised to find who in your daily life is and has been sober for long periods of time.
If I am honest, those people who don't talk about it are the people I am seeking out. They are the ones who have found their way and no longer even have a desire or need to engage in the conversation.
My wife is one of these people. She doesn't have the same desires I have to continue engaging in the conversation because, to her, it is no longer a part of her makeup. She does not even associate herself with alcohol anymore and is happy to simply walk down her path with the intention of living well in other ways. Someone like this will gladly take you in and help you along your journey, but they may not do so by talking the "sober talk." They will most likely teach by showing you how to live well; not merely by how to live without alcohol.
There is a difference.
While I am walking as confidently down my path as my wife is on hers, I am still very much engaged in the conversation because I am fascinated by it. I am the type of person who will talk the sober talk because it is what I utilized to change my relationship with alcohol.
Writing a daily blog about my experiences with sobriety was one of the ways I kept on my path. Through my writing, I met others who were experiencing similar things and people who pushed against my experiences; all of which helped keep me on track.
I am the type of connection who will try and point out all of the absurdities of alcohol in an effort to try and divert your attention away from what you once believed were rational thoughts about alcohol. I will try and help you see that everything you thought you knew about alcohol was a lie.
Overall, it is important that connections made on this journey of sobriety be with those who are confident, secure, and have the knowledge to help keep you on your sober path, regardless of their specific methodology.
Be open to a variety of different connections; the connection that works for you may come in the form of a connection with whom you may not normally associate. Prioritize being careful and wholly vetting anyone with whom you choose to place your trust.
Personal Connection
On day one of my sobriety journey, I found a connection to something that was as powerful as any human connection I had ever made. I connected with my desire to write. It has been one of the most liberating and insightful things I had ever done, and my connection to writing has allowed me to learn a great deal about who I am, what I am doing, and where I am going. While my connection with writing is not a human connection, it has offered many of the same attributes as a positive human connection.
With this in mind, I suggest that along with human connections, you also need to find ways to connect with yourself. How everyone does that will vary greatly from person to person, and I cannot speak to how you will connect with yourself; I can only offer what I have experienced along my journey.
Another personal connection I made was very unexpected but also welcomed. I made a connection with my desire to help others. Before I quit drinking I was always too consumed with my own life dramas to worry about trying to help others. How could I even conceive of trying to help someone else while knowing I could barely help myself? I couldn't. So I rarely tried. Now, it has become a part of who I am.
"When people go within and connect with themselves, they realize they are connected to the universe and they are connected with all living things." - Armond Dimele
I want to pay forward the strength and confidence that I've gained through my sobriety. I see the struggles people have, and I want to share tools that can help ease their struggles. I witness "failed" attempts at sobriety by people around me, and I want to offer the support of boosting them back up and say "hey, you got this."
Helping others can come in various forms, many of which are easily accessible to every one of us. Simply checking in on someone that you know is walking their path may come on a day when that person really needed to hear from someone.
A simple comment, message, or phone call can make someone's day.
Telling your story may be the story someone needed to hear in order to finally push themselves to take their first step.
In Conclusion
This all may seem a bit overwhelming in the beginning. The most critical piece of advice I can offer to someone thinking about or actively beginning their journey is to be open and honest with yourself about why you are taking the first step.
I believe the universe and people will recognize that openness and honesty can naturally be drawn to you and your true desire for change. Trust that you deserve to live the life you want to live, and trust that there are people who are willing to help you along the way.
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